DIARY OF AN ONLINE POKER PLAYER 8.00 am: Get up and wonder whether to drink a freshly squeezed orange juice and eat a Vitamin C packed kiwi fruit before going online. 8.01 am: Decide to go online first. 8.02 am: “Do I have a gambling problem?” 8.03 am: No! Certainly not. I decide I am intelligent enough to have realised all that “good for me” fruit will mean I’ll have to get up and leave the PC several times during that first all-important hour and interrupt my focus. 8.04 am: “Yep! I DO have a gambling problem!” 8.05 am: I submit to ten press-ups, eat the fruit and THEN go online. Pretty soon $50 becomes $120 and $120 becomes $280. “This isn’t a problem! This is GOOD for me. Even better than the Vitamin C!” 8.30 am: I move up from a $2-$4 game to a $5-$10 table and $280 becomes $610 in short order. 8.44 am: The fruit kicks in. I hang up my cards, take the page three Starbirds into the “little room” and return to the PC fifteen minutes later. 8.59 am: My prize new gleaming Pocket Rockets, promising so much for my second innings, are immediately cracked by three unexpected Tens from someone calling himself Chi-knees-up. “I knew it! Bloody kiwis! I hope Flintoff wipes the floor with the ball-tampering New Zealand bastards the next time we play ‘em!” “Hang on. That was the Pakistanis, wasn’t it? Never mind. What’s this?” Ace-Queen with a Jack on the flop. 9.01 am: “Is this resurrection or crucifixion?” I let the cards decide. Another Queen arrives on the turn. “Sod it. There goes my straight! Wait a minute! What am I? A wimpy limping fruitarian or a meat-eater?” I stick with my pair of high born ladies and Jack shows up swimming all smiles down the river. “Two Royal pairs. The pot’s mine and I’m up to $740!” 9.07 am: I decide to stop. No problem. No problem at all.
FREQUENTLY ASKED POKER QUESTIONS Q: Do I have a gambling problem if I’m playing several hours every night online? A: If you can ask yourself the question you almost certainly don’t. People with a problem rarely ever question themselves. If it’s fun and you ALWAYS play within your comfort zone, you’re normal. If you don’t care if you win or you lose, you’re mad. If you lose and “chase” your losses, you should find another form of entertainment.
Q: What flop tips would you give to me as a beginner? A: If you have a solid hand, bet it. Top pair or better at the flop is almost always something you would bet. When you do land the goods as a beginner don’t let other players intimidate you. Be prepared to re-raise if all the signals are saying someone’s trying to steal the pot from you. But while you are chancing your arm and learning these instincts stay in very low limit games until you can “feel” your way. Be braver in late position as you have maximum visibility from there.
